Isn’t social media amazing? People write endlessly on it, showing wonderful pictures of cooked breakfasts or their last bottle of wine. They are trying to make the best of a difficult time, many of them. And that’s good. But does it give us a true picture of how they are really coping? How they do actually feel? What is happening in their lives?
I do try to make these posts cheerful and amusing, something to look forward to every week. And many more people read them every week than read my You are Invited posts. That’s okay. Each post is read by the person who needs to read it; each person whom God has led to it in some way or another.
But I also want to be honest. And there are some days, especially during lockdown, when I have a fit of the Grumps.
Now for anyone who does not speak English as their home language and is searching their English/home language dictionaries for the word Grumps – you won’t find it. So for you, it means feeling down, lazy, lacking energy, nothing seems to be going right
I’m not sure what gave me the Grumps yesterday. It was a day I had in my diary because we were due to have an electricity outage for the day and I had planned my meals and a few activities that did not require power. The outage was cancelled and I only heard about it just after the lights were due to go off, so my whole schedule was cancelled. Perhaps that was it.
I did not feel like working. I have some fiddly bits and pieces of editing to do and am trying to find anything else to do rather than that. Silly really as the sooner I do it the sooner I will be free to move on to other things. Maybe that was it.
I had two people I was praying for who were desperately ill. Perhaps that was making me feel sad and out of sorts. (Both are better today – God is good!)
I was tired. Not sleepy tired, but just feeling worn down. Everything was an effort. I had dragged myself to the top of the hill in the morning to see the view. But it was misty and there was no view to see. Possibly it was that.
My energetic and enthusiastic plans to spend the day weeding my garden (because there was no power) were too much to contemplate and so they were pushed to one side. Could I be feeling guilty about that?
Little things. Nothing too important or earth shattering (except for my sick, now recovering, friends), but enough to make my world seem grey. Even the film I was looking forward to watching which I had recorded ended three quarters of the way through! I didn’t even write in my lockdown journal as I got into bed. Only the second time in 54 days that has happened.
I got into bed. Thumped my head down on the pillow. Turned out my light.
“I love you.”
The whisper came in the dark and I smiled for the first time that day. God loves me – and so, in fact, all is right with my world. I slept well last night and today the sun is shining and I am inspired to write and work.
God is truly good.